Women are great at establishing relationships. Since we were little girls, we are taught to nurture, care and be compassionate towards others. We are taught to love and cherish one another…..Just as long as they don’t surpass us.
I can remember my first stint of jealousy. I was in Pre-K, yes Pre-K. There was a girl in the class that was really pretty and she received praise and admiration from the adults. I am not sure if I just wanted what she had or if I wanted to cut her long locks, but I do remember feeling sad that I didn’t receive as much attention as she did. Yea boo hoo. It was only as a grew older (1st grade) that I started noticing a trend.
Girls can be really mean.
And nothing is worse than girls in groups. It is crazy because it is easy to bond with another girl/woman if you are talking to them alone. But if you walked past a group of (insecure) women looking fabulous, you had best believe you, will, be, dissected.
I noticed that I began to do this with slick remarks. “Oh, she looks cute…but.” And please believe that but will be everything. We women have a developed eye when it comes to criticizing another woman. I mean, have you ever heard a man put so much detail in criticizing a man. “Aww man, his car is nice but have you seen the threading in his jeans? It looks cheap.” I have seen the baddest looking women get criticized by other women. And many times it is disguised in a compliment. Whether her face is not beat enough, or beat too much. Is her ass fake or is it real…the verdict is that it is most likely fake. Oh her toe nail polish don’t match her nails….that hairstyle is played….or she is a whore (ho).
But why? Why the hate?
The crabs in a bucket mentality comes to mind here. Whenever a certain group of people experience any kind of oppression such as women have, it can put them in a lack mentality. If one person is climbing, climbing, climbing, and trying to better themselves, making boss moves, it threatens the herd. It threatens them because they view things as being limited or finite. It’s the “If this person gets out and becomes prosperous, they will take from me,” mentality. Criticism is a way to keep a person small so you can continue to feel good about yourself. Whenever I have criticized a woman for something trivial or bothersome I seen in them, it was usually to make myself feel better. Yes, I had some work to do.
Women need to learn how to connect and support each other. We can accomplish so much more by sticking together and empowering each other. Look at the world as finite and you won’t have to worry about someone else taking all. Because you will understand that there is just as much for you. Most importantly, if you are connected to someone that has, you can achieve success as well. Because it is literally in your reach.