Situationships. Nothing like a situationship that you don’t even realize is a situationship to humble that ass.
No woman wants to admit that she was or is in a situationship. A woman’s pride is stronger than a man’s at times. And nothing in her will admit that the poonanny wasn’t great enough to lock him down. As if that’s the only thing she has to offer.
Here is my story:
He slid into my DM before Yo Gotti shed light on the epidemic of well, dudes sliding in your dm. I had seen his pics for the longest but never paid much mind to it and one day, I was like “who is this?!” So I liked his pics and liked and liked, not a crazy way but flirty, Ima get his ass kind of way. So he DM’d me and said “If you like another one of my pics, I will start to think you like me.”
Last pic, LIKED. He slid back into the DM like Superman at night with his cape on to seal the deal. Here is my number.
I called him. Oh and he was the sweetest thing ever! So against my normal inclination to keep up the tough façade, I let my guard down rather quickly. In other words, it was thirst season lol. In my defense, I had every reason to be vulnerable. I was literally watching my dad die in the nursing home. My heart was hurting. I needed an outlet and damnit did I get it. He was that plug lol.
We went out that weekend on a really nice date because I’m a lady. He dropped me off and called me later to tell me he enjoyed himself and blah blah. I didn’t realize I was the catch of the day and his ass was HUNGRY. But I’m the one eating the words, getting full of myself and dropping the weight of my guard. We continued to see each other for about 3 weeks after, no sex of course because I am a lady lol. And then he disappeared. Red flag number 2.
So this NEEGRO disappeared for a month, I know because I was counting. It hurt, ouch, but I picked myself up listening to Mary because only she knows. I became inspired again and commenced to myself, my child oh yes I forgot about Shakur during my lil whirlwind lol and forgot about my dreams, goals and aspirations–My redflag.
And then I get a text. I am sorry for disappearing on you. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. I’m so bad at this point that I decide to respond the next day. He immediately responds and commence to texting and calling me like nothing happens.
I let him back, with no problem.
I forgot the impossible power of a man that hasn’t fucked yet. He will disappear, but he won’t stay gone for long lol. He comes back strong and we get a tad bit more serious. Yes, we verbally stated that we were together. As time progressed, he said he loved me and my son adored him.
Then we had sex. And dickmatized ain’t the word to what was done. In my 26 years, I had never had that happen. I just might call him right now lol.
But anyway, I would cook for him. He hated my salmon lol. I skipped over girlfriend mode and went straight into wife mode. This dude was gon see I had the skills. (This is so hilarious to me.)
And then without warning, he disappeared. For 2 weeks this time.
So once again, I lean onto the things that were more important. You know God, family, friends, dreams, the ish you forget about lol.
In the meantime my daddy passed away. He invited me to come stay at his house for a couple of days, which was actually cool. However, he couldn’t take off work to come to the funeral and his ass didn’t get me any flowers. Red Flag number 107.
On the flip side, I attended his family get together and met his mom and son and was introduced as his girl. Things were progressing and another day we took our kids to the zoo and had a very fun day. And he was spending more time with us.
And like clock work, a couple of weeks later, he disappeared.
At this point, I’m like fuck it. I had started working a new job and was busy and had a little change in my pocket. I hurt deeply as not only was I grieving my dad, I was grieving this shit too. I don’t ever want to feel like that again. I slept on the floor for 2 weeks and became a situational alcoholic. Yes, it was effed up. Then one day while I am on the floor, in the middle of the damn day, I said ” I am going to move to DC.” I called around and found out I was able to break my lease. But I was still hesitant.
Maybe he will come around.
And he did! He hit me up while I was on a date with someone else. And it was my bday weekend. He remembered. So I go by him the next day and well lol. My bday was the very next day and baby I just knew he had something planned. Yes he did! A text, a fucking text. I was so clueless that shit still not hitting me. So I called and called. He never answered. I texted him my final text “Now I see.” And went to dinner with Shakur.
The very next day, I called my leasing office. It was time to go. In 6 weeks, I would be gone. I had something to look forward to. I left.
It’s not even worth it to mention that he has tried to mend things because he now says he is ready for a relationship, that don’t matter. What matters is how in the hell I allowed that to happen. I can write about this because I hear about this with friends as well. Why are we so willing to participate in half ass relationships and think that that is love. You being down for somebody that wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire. It’s all about bringing that love back to yourself. When you truly love yourself, shit like that don’t happen. And guys will meet you at your level. But best believe, that was a hard lesson, but necessary. I see you God. “Justin” was blocking me from my purpose. Muah!