Can the women who had to learn how to love themselves please put your hand up.
I mean the ones who had to be cheated on numerous times to realize, “hey, I should love myself more and I wouldn’t accept this.” Or the women who simply lead a mediocre life, not realizing the vast life ahead of them, simply because they believe they aren’t worthy of it.
I know some women were blessed with having self love instilled in them from an early age I pray to have that for my family. Then there are the women who come from broken and dysfunctional homes who found it a bit difficult in that area. They may succeed in other areas but the area in which they have to look within and say yes I truly 100% love myself, gets hard.
This is a topic that I believe is taboo and a bit embarrassing because no one likes to admit that at one point or another, they realized that they really truly did not love themselves. But self love or lack of it always shows up in your actions.
WHO ME? I Love myself! I could never (not) love myself. I have the highest confidence. Look at what kind of clothes I have on. Look at all of my accomplishments. Look at my hair girl it’s laid lol. I love myself!
Oh yeah? But look at how you let others treat you and speak to you. Your boo just called you at 11pm because he wanted to “see” you and you jumped up. You really want a relationship but you have settled as a play thing. You have your titties out not because you want them out–you definitely have that right–but because you want the attention that you think will fill a void.
I can speak from these things because I know. I have been there. Guilty as fucking charged.
My journey to self love has been a bumpy road. It wasn’t a pathway made out of gold. The road has been made of gravel with plenty cracks in it. Various childhood traumas taught me that I wasn’t good enough. These beliefs would cause me to not be confident in myself and the many gifts I have. I would proceed to fill that hole up with something–a good cupcake, a new love interest lol etc only to have another crack spring up elsewhere. No matter how much I repaired myself, another crack would appear in the street of self. And anyone could cross my path because I didn’t have any clear boundaries. Always on green light, you go, you go and you can go too.
It wasn’t until I started to see myself as better that I installed a yellow light to slow down. Slow down, you are in no rush. We are all on a journey and will get there on our own pace. But it was when I installed that stop sign that things got real. The stop sign prevented others from walking all over me. It allowed me to set boundaries as to how far one can go with me.
So why is it that something so simple and natural had come to be difficult? Well as a baby we are born with a strong sense of self and knew we were loved simply because we are love. But like many, as I grew older outside influences got into my head about who I am. Things such as beauty was the biggest factor in stunting my self love growth. Looking back, I was an absolute doll and I didn’t know it. The beauty standard was (and still kind of is) long hair and fair skin. Back then you couldn’t have too much ass, but now the bigger the better with the small waist of course! I was constantly bombarded by well meaning women on how a lady should act and if you don’t act that way all of the time, shame on you. So instead of counting the times I did a great job on something, I would look at the one time I fell short. There were so many things that stunted my growth. But sometimes it is good to look back to move forward.
I am still on this road. It is my journey and my responsibility to provide the love and care I so desperately need for myself. Each person is powerful beyond measure. Loving yourself means setting boundaries for what you do and don’t allow. My journey has been rough but it is mine and no one can discredit, judge or take it away. I embrace my flaws and watch them perfect me. I am a forever work in progress.