Oooh chile, I have been there.
I have been taught that this is the crux of who I am...well that along with exterior beauty. That if I snatch it right, he will love me...if I do it often, he will love me and won't stray....if it gets wet enough, I don't have to worry about anything with us, all is well.
Let's be honest, we all have received some bad advice from some well meaning women in our lives. "Don't let him give you a wet ass and dry pockets." LOL! Ok, so I understand what they were TRYING to say, but I also recognize that soooo much emphasis was put on a certain part of us. A part of our body. In a way it's objectification. I mean, what about the rest of me? My heart, my intelligence, my wittiness? And that's where so many girls get it wrong at. Not knowing all of these other wonderful things about themselves, they jump into sex WAYYYY before they are ready. Not because they really want to or know what the f*** they are doing, it's just that so much pressure is put on what we do with our bodies AND tie that into our relationship status. Even as a young girl, my friends and I were consumed with getting "Chose." And to our detriment, we learned (the hard way mind you) that the way to our heart is not through the vagina. And it damn sure isn't the way to his. But we would foolishly think that it is and go into the same scenario and get the same outcome. Confusion. Wayward d**k.
I thought sex would lead to a commitment, tbh. But, oh no baby what is you doing?! We, as women, have been taught so much that what we do or decide not to do with our vaginas determine our worth. We are only labeled good girls if we keep it chaste. Bad girls, whores, hoes, slut, etc if we bed more than 1 in a lifetime. It's such a strange dichotomy in which we are praised for keeping the "good girl" image, yet on the other hand, sex sells. These strippers are raking it up! As a young girl, I can remember being taught that my worth is tied to my vagina.
So naturally, as I began to deflower my damn self with the help of a cute young guy, I would feel less and less. (The guy would gain a stripe, I would gain a strike.) Because I was taught that's where my worth is, but what are these damn feelings I'm having? Aren't we responsible for making sure the guys like us? Well, according to society, many of a relationship's fails can often times fall on the woman. Sooo we must do whatever to ensure it's stability. Unbeknownst to us, our daughters, cousins, nieces etc are watching us. I would say to not instill in them that that is where there worth is. Yes, we learned it in church to hold onto our virginity, no shame in that, so long as no one is shaming someone that does decide to do it. Myself, friends, and family members have suffered from decisions in regards to their sexuality. Many women have been led astray to an adverse outcome that they hoped sex would bring them. Let's teach our young girls that they have worth and value in other places. Teach them whether they decide to abstain, or decide (after long thought and understanding of consequences) to become active, that they are both worthy. No one is better or less than the other because of their decisions.
Most importantly, teach them that sex DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE. Your vagina is not a portal for love...your heart is.