Chile can’t nothing come between a woman and her will to identify herself as being a “good woman.” She holds on tougher than a sew in past 4 months with no touch ups.
“If I am a good woman I will get a good man.”
“If I am a good woman then he won’t step out.”
“If I am a good woman then everything in life will fall into place and I won’t get messed over.”
“I don’t understand why he left! I was a good woman to him!”
I just laugh whenever I hear this now. Holding on to the badge of being a “good woman” has never saved you.
Here is my definition of a good woman. She goes to church faithfully and gives cheerfully, but never puts in the work needed to accomplish her goals. In her mind, she did x and y, but not the z. She believes God will just drop down success. But hunty, Faith without works is dead.
In addition, this “good woman” lays out the red carpet for any man she is interested in, whether he treats her great or not so great. She will cook for him, sex him good, and just throw out all of the common sense. Unbeknownst to her, many men secretly love heauxs, so most likely, her attempts will be looked at as too easy. He will fade faster than a hair cut. She will be wondering what happened because in her mind, she did everything right.
The next will be the good woman on the job. The one that has a degree and most importantly, the know how, but are passed over for people that are more assertive. The go getting bishes.
Life just happens to her. She doesn’t know that she must make life happen for her. She believes that if she does everything right, then things will be ok. And when things aren’t right, she can’t figure out why.
Stay with me here. Being a good woman is a noble thing. But please lets stop associating being a good women with holding on to things that don’t serve us, that are detrimental to our success, and that hinders our growth. I envy men in their ability to be selfish sometimes when their needs are not being met. As a woman, we are told that we are to be selfless. Making sure everyone’s needs are are met. But how can you take care of others, I mean truly take care of others, unless you needs are met? And I’m not saying go and be a bad woman in the way one may think is a bad woman. A bad woman is one who puts her needs at the top. She knows what she wants and what feels good to her. It doesn’t mean that her needs are number 1 all the time. It means that she knows how to adjust accordingly and keep things in balance. In order to get to this point in life, I think we have to realize that our feelings matter. We don’t have to feel the need to keep being martyrs to others and their feelings.
I hope to move towards a generation of women that challenge the status quo of what it means to be a good woman. That narrative is self serving to others, but can be detrimental to the most selfless and our health. I see more fearless woman who strike a healthy balance between their needs and kids, spouse/partner, other family and friends needs.