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EPIPHANIES AND SUCH…..

I am always sitting around and thinking hard, so this past weekend, my mind was spinning with epiphanies. via GIPHY I realized that I never really did things for myself or somewhere along the way, self-care was put on the back burner. I discussed this in my last blog post, but I still have a desire to write about it. Another thing I realize is that I have a chameleon like personality. Meaning that whatever environment I am in, I adapt to it. Which can be a good thing, but on the other hand, not so much. I am an Empath. I take on others feelings and moods and adopt them as my own. I especially noticed this with the men in my life. Whatever their personality is, I take on bits and pieces of it. And not in a "yes girl" sort of way, but just that I feel feelings so deeply, that it is hard not to flow unto me. So can you guess what happens here? Oh lets see: Loss of identity. When you become so intertwined with someone else, you kinda lose sight of the things that interest you and your goals. You are stuck up under bae, while your goals are collecting dust. I honestly don't know why this happens. Maybe it is an insecurity I have that needs to be addressed, but addressed it is. Also, I realized this weekend as I spoke with a friend is that we wasted so much of our 20's being boy crazy. Wondering when we would get "chose." Just craving that male attention because of a void that so desperately needed to be filled. We should have filled it on our own. There is no way in the world the idea of whether a guy liked me or not should have consumed my inner workings most urgently. In my early twenties friends were: Baby mommas, myself included, being cheated on and taking him back, cosigning for things, and on and on and on. And this is not to diss relationships! Relationships are beautiful things. I'm just making an observation of how young we were and worried about the wrong things. Men do not worry about the things that we worry about. As little girls we would imagine our wedding and our dress. We would do anything to get to the point and almost anyone fits that bill as long as they show some sort of promise. I am getting away from this. I want to care, but I also want to care more about the person who has been down for me forever and forever will be. The person who always has my back and is always there. That person is my damn self. It is imperative to put yourself first. How can you truly love and care for others from an empty well? It is time to replenish myself, so I can care for others. Muah!  

HAVE A SEAT AT THE DAMN TABLE

I'm sitting here wondering, "why haven't I taken my seat at the M'fing table?" You know that damn seat where you just take and not ask if anyone is sitting here? And if someone was sitting there, oh the hell well, I'm here now and my ass sits better in this seat? This is a very tough question to ask yourself. Why am I underemployed with degrees and intelligence out the ass? Or for you it may be grabbing the crumbs he drops for you in the relationship, or letting people handle you any kind of way? Why is it some women aren't afraid to take that seat and many women are too timid to claim what is theirs? Where is she? The old Robinette that used to keep it popping? Idk, maybe that was all in my head, but nonetheless, a very worthwhile question. I have been feeling quite "BLAH" lately. Not bad blah, but certainly not that juicy feel I used to get from life. Kind of like something is missing sort of feel. Shoes, clothes nor travel cures it. It's like that spark that gets you up everyday, y'all I haven't been living, rather just coexisting in the world of billions. Feeling like I blend in, when I have been destined to stand out. To be honest, I've been feeling very average since becoming a mom and my ego cannot handle it. My ego is like: Bish, do you know who the "eff" you are? Like seriously, I cannot with you all this time. Underestimating your damn self and not taking your seat at the M'fing table. I am about to go and be another chicks ego because you are blowing me." The crazy thing is although I want to stand out with my gifts and talents, I have been afraid. Because me using my gifts and talents require a certain level of boldness and confidence that I have been severely lacking in. Like I can't do it. Im still under the umbrella of my parents although my dad has passed on. I realized that in order to step out, I am on my own. I have to put myself on front street and possibly be rejected! Why do I still feel like 17 year old Robinette that was not sure of herself and her dopeness? Or I can't accomplish these beautiful ass dreams that I have. My confidence lately has not been the strongest. To be honest, it hasn't been in some time. I have gained a couple of extra sexy pounds lol and its been easier to get out the house because I don't put as much effort in. I just think of my old days of how I would dress up any where I would go. It's like life has worn me down and I am feeling it. I don't feel that extra sexiness and umph that I used to have. Self-care has become my son care, my bf care, money care, bill care, car care and I am last. I have failed to fill up in the self-care lane and am running on E. I am searching for answers on the outside, but I know that the answers won't come from there.  I now see the importance of putting yourself first. The truth is that I have everything that I need to get things accomplished and being better than I once was. I don't have to look back and you shouldn't either. There is nothing behind you but space and lost chances. What is before you is new and better opportunities. Also, it is ok to be afraid. Have you ever felt like this? Afraid to step out? You think that you don't have the skills to be accomplished? Or that others are more talented so why bother? Then only to sit on the side lines and watch 1 year pass and then 2 years and so forth? Let me make this clear to you: Declare this day that you will do it anyway. That it is ok to feel fear, but you don't have to feed into it. God has given us too many dreams and He has equipped us with the gifts/talents to get the goals accomplished. Don't look in someone else's lane! You have to focus on you and your goals and the people you need to reach. Muah!
Powerful Reminders

4 Powerful Reminders For Everyday Life

We all wish we had a guide for life. A guide that tells us exactly where to turn, which decision to make, where to go to school, which job to take or who to marry. We often times ask for direction and expect a loud booming voice to tell us yay or nay. For those who live and not under a rock, we've learned that life is not that clear-cut. Life takes us to places we want to go and places we may not want to go. But there are some things that are tried and true. Things or powerful reminders that we have to nudge us to where we want to go. Or to just simply help us on the way when we don't know where we are going. Here are my list of powerful reminders to assist you. 4. Life is truly what you make of it. Life will happen to you, but only by a stroke of luck will it give you exactly what you want. You have to pray and work and explore to get those things and experiences that you want. Want to get in shape? Guess what? You have to go to the gym. Want to be debt free? You may have to sacrifice some things temporarily to get to that point. The point is, you have to take a more proactive approach to live the life you want. 3. You are stuck with you, so get used to it. Want to get away from yourself? Good luck with that! Everywhere your ass go, there your ass is. Sometimes we want to escape a past experience or a past decision and believe that we would be much better if we can separate from that and live the life we want. Experiences make us unique and make us, well us. We shouldn't try to be someone else or wish our lives to be like theirs. We live so vicariously through others that we forget to live in our present bodies. This is the only chance we get. There are no do overs. 2. Beauty and style can really only get you so far. You know how many baddies there are? Especially nowadays with the beat faces and affordable clothing, that's a dime a dozen. Those things can very much get you there, but personality and intelligence will keep you there. I've learned to present myself in my best light, but to also put just as much effort into the intangibles. 1. If you don't ask, you won't receive. This doesn't mean that you will receive every time you ask. But it does relieve you of the guilt of not asking and feeling like ish for not asking. So many women don't ask. For fear of being told no, not wanting to be a burden, or not feeling deserving. Let's change that mindset and ask for the things that we want in life. A "NO" is the worst that can happen. Ok, maybe a "Hell No" and a laugh is the worst, but still you get my drift lol. But please take these and apply them to your life. We all want to be the best we can be. Muah!
Carefree moment

Women’s History Month Playlist

There are times where we may need a pick me up. Especially us women, gosh we juggle so much. One of my stress relievers is listening to music. Music is very soothing and comforting to the soul.  Depending on the song, it can alter your mood. Pick the right song, and you can pick up your mood. Music tells a story and inspires you to take on the world. Here is my Women's History Month Playlist. Enjoy! 1. (Who) Run The World Girls-Beyonce https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBmMU_iwe6U 2. I'm Every Woman-Whitney Houston/Chaka Khan https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7_sqdkaAfo 3. A Rose Is Still A Rose-Aretha Franklin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtMUQbnT_Lo 4. Not Anymore-LeToya Luckett https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwoAHkmb_5E 5. Gangsta Boo-Where Dem Dollas At 6. No Time-Lil Kim 7. Pretty Girl Rock-Keri Hilson 8. The Velvet Rope-Janet Jackson 9. Gotta Be-Desiree 10. Until It's Gone-Monica 11. Still Standing-Monica 12. Lose To Win-Fantasia 13. Respect-Aretha Franklin 14. A Woman's Worth-Maxwell 15. Diamonds and Pearls-Prince 16. Conqueror-Estelle 17. Let It Flow-Toni Braxton 18. Exhale-Whitney Houston 19. Take Me As I Am-Mary J. Blige 20. Feeling Myself-Nicki Minaj/Beyonce 21. What's Love Got To Do With It-Tina Turner 22. Unpretty-TLC 23. Not Gon Cry-Mary J. Blige 24. She Got Her Own-Neyo/Jamie Foxx/Fabolous 25. Grown Woman-Beyonce 26. Stronger-Britney Spears 27. Shake It Off-Mariah Carey 28. Independent Women, Pt 1-Destiny's Child 29. Believe-Cher 30. Diamonds-Rihanna 31. Bossy-Kelis      

#Issa Confession: He Didn’t Like My Natural Hair and I Still Dated Him

He was sophisticated. I was natural. He didn't like that shit lol. I met, let's call him Brandon like his real name is. Fuck him lol. He was an older, professional guy and had me on a damn thin ass string that I wouldn't let break. He was hot and cold. He would go away, I would get sad. Always trying to think of ways to get him back. *Facepalms for 1 hr* He would come back around and I would make sure that I was looking as delicious as my budget afforded. I would go buy new panties, just in case some ish went down lol and make sure my hair was on point. I was soon to find out he was very particular about hair.  In the midst of the "off-season" when I wasn't on his roster lol, I cut off my hair. A sweet little 22-year-old with a TWA (teeny-weeny afro). I was so proud! I felt liberated from my perm and could do whatever with my hair. Brandon calls a few weeks later. Whatsup? Nothing. You coming over? *Throws attitude with him first* Yes lol I get over to his house, yes, I know, and he looks at my hair with an almost disgust. You are natural, you cut your hair? Yes, do you like it? Uhhhhhhh……. Why didn't I leave then? Oh, I know why, teehee lol So once again, the off-season came early. He called a couple of weeks later and asked to see me. Cool, I can do that. Mind you my self-esteem is somewhere in the sewer beneath my house lol. Brandon asked me this question as a sort of prerequisite before seeing him: "Do you still have your hair in that afro?" *I touch my growing fro like a pregnant woman touches her belly. But its mine? I am natural. It's my hair. It grew out of my head.* No, I don't have my hair natural. It is straightened. It's not so much the hair. I wanted to see him. In my mind that was bae, and he was dangling me. How did I let myself stoop so damn low. I was willing to lie about who I am to be with someone who wasn't choosing me regardless if that shit was in an afro or wet and wavy. We set a date to meet, I immediately scheduled an appointment with the Dominicans. Date time comes, he never calls. Ha! Universe had a lesson for my ass. First of all, never alter yourself to appease to someone else. However, there is a difference between making yourself appealing to others which is fine. But it is when you are not being true to yourself that it becomes an issue. When you would go to great lengths to please someone who can give a rats ass. Secondly, why wasn't he dropped sooner? I felt like he was a rarity. He was special. That doting should have been extended to my damn self. Been there, not going back. Muah!

Why Being More Mindful Is In Vogue

I have the tendency to snap. I don't mean snap and be on one of those episodes on the Oxygen Channel, but just to lose my cool when it really didn't warrant that reaction. I could be thinking of other things at time and just take it out on whomever. Not in a bad way, but also not in a cool way. One way that I've learned to combat that is through meditation, more in particular, a guided mindful mediation. In mindful meditation, you practice breathing exercises and listen for a little bell that alerts you to be present in the moment. I first learned of mindful meditation after practicing just regular meditation. Not to confuse you as meditation's purpose is to quiet the mind and bring you to a present state, but there are meditations for different purposes also. I've used mediation for anxiety, fear or positive affirmations, but the main gist of it is being mindful of the moment. Be present in your life and the day-to-day of it. Life is passing us by at great speed and we are always trying to jump to the destination, forgetting the journey. When you are present in the moment, your focus is there. You are not thinking about something that happened yesterday and you are not concerned with tomorrow. You are thinking about now. The ever fleeting moment. This is especially important as being a mom, a lot of your patience is tested. My child requires the present me. Not the stressed out over the future me or ruminating over the past me. He needs me now and being an awesome now mom. This works of course if you don't have any kids. Use it in other relationships and watch the relationships improve. Give the gift of yourself. There is no time like the present. Muah!

About Me

Hi! My name is Robinette.

Founder & Editor

I am not a role model… just a messenger. Since I can remember, I have been in love with helping myself to do better and helping others.

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