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Real Recognize Real. 4 Ways To Spot A Real One.

"I'm the realest dude you know." Chile if I had a penny for every time I heard this escape a guys' lips when I was younger. I have learned that this can be attributed to a certain street cred, or whatever it is they go by. It doesn't necessarily translate into how they treat others. But as I grew older I have learned that being real is necessarily just that. How you treat others. The ability to treat others with respect, in front of and especially behind their back matters. When you come to the table and have good intentions for someone else, matters. But how do we attract people that are not going to have us looking crazy outchea' in dese streets lol? A lot of times when we get tied up in someone that claimed to be real and found out they were faker than a $3 dollar bill, we failed to recognize the signs of a real one. And it's not always that we fail to recognize the signs, but we really don't know what they are. I always say the simplest way to know if a guy is who he says he is, does he call back when he said he will. A damn phone call is free. We as women make too many excuses for the men that we have in our space. It is time to start creating space for the real ones to come into our lives. Here is how to spot them. 4. He is consistent. It's simple. Guy meets girl, and he is instantly infatuated with her. He is calling ALL THE DAMN TIME and always answers when she calls. They stay on the phone for hours and hours and the woman thinks they are building a connection. He buys flowers, little gifts and does the most. Then the woman catches feelings, which is completely normal. Then, for whatever reason, maybe they had sex too soon for his liking or he sees that he was able to get her to like him, and he looses interest. Girl can see the interest dwindling down by less phone calls and time spent together until he eventually goes...GHOST. Girl then sees what it was and then moves on with her life. Here is the trick part: It is at this very moment that the guy comes back with some excuse as to why he dipped out like a Houdini's intern. And what happens a lot is the girl takes him back and it is a back and forth thing. One thing I have learned is that love will be consistent. It is not going to keep you guessing and wondering where you stand. If someone is taking you through this, it is them....AND your ass. It's them because they have some fear-whether it is fear of love, fear of something better coming along, etc. But it is something that have nothing to do with you and you shouldn't wreck your brain trying to figure it out. It is also you because you have to wonder why and the hell are you attracted to someone that is unsure of you. You should love yourself more to know that you deserve the absolute best. And nothing less. 3. He helps you in a bind. You have a flat tire, he can come put your donut on. Do you need money for a new tire? He covers that, because you don't have it. What I am saying is, he won't leave you hanging. The way you can see where you stand with a guy is to pick up the phone, call him right now and ask him for a favor. That is how you know. 2. Your safety is important. When he drops you off from a date, he is not speeding off to the corner of the next bish lol. He texts you occasionally to make sure you got home ok. He just wants to be a protector, but not be overbearing. 1. He does what he says he will do. Call back? He did or will text (at least). Going out on a date, HE WILL NOT CANCEL, especially the first few dates. Unless he is having a real serious issue, a guy will not cancel a date. He will remember a date, you won't have to call him to confirm. Please don't ever do that. If he says he got you on something, he will remember. Well, ladies take this list that is tried and true from my trials and error. Of course, there are many different scenarios, but you be the judge. Oh before I forget! Make sure you are a real one yourself. It is hard to spot a real one if you are not absolutely in love with yourself. When you don't love yourself, you let others drag you through the mud. That's truth.com boo. Muah!  

When A Bish Get Some Power: 4 Ways You Can Realize Yours

We all have those moments where it seems like things are falling apart. We are sending out resumes and not getting calls back for a job. The bills are outweighing the resources, failing a class, getting fired, boo done went ghost (again) lol etc. It may seem and totally feel as if your life is off track and will stay that way. You look up and began to get discouraged about what you believe is your permanent place in life now. You start to get familiar with the negativity and lose hope that things will pop off. But I am here to tell you that those things are not. Our minds are hardwired to gravitate towards the negative. That's why we have to work to stay positive. We have to work to see our selves rising. We have to see our lives and our God as powerful. Those mountain of bills, relational issues, mental and emotional issues, job issues, tell them how big your God is. I know, I have been there. I do not want to talk about anything positive when I am going through it. I just don't want to hear it. But I have learned that nobody is going to save me. No one is going to take me by my hand and tell me exactly what I need to do. I can pray and pray, but it is until I pick myself up and begin to do the work, that is when things change. Faith without works is dead boo. So how does one look at what she has and try again? How does she reclaim her luster in life that is slowly being sucked away? Here are my tips below: 4.) Think about all the things you have already overcome. You have been through some ish before, right? Things crumbled and you thought you weren't going to make it. But look at you. You did! You all styling and profiling bish. Didn't think it was possible to get over what's his name? Didn't think you would find a new job? Sometimes looking back on the past is good to reflect to see where you came from. You are stronger now than you ever were before. You will overcome this. 3.) Daydream. Wait, what?! Yes, I said Daydream. It's so kiddie like, I know, but it works good. Daydreaming can also be like visualization. You imagine those things that you want. When you are daydreaming, hold those thoughts for 17 seconds. It is really some scientific ish to this y'all, but keep it simple and fun. Your mind is a very, very powerful organ. It can call life and it can end it mentally or emotionally before your body does physically. So overcome the negative thoughts with positive ones. Think life, think a full life. Think of those vacations, businesses and loving relationships-friendly or intimate. You are no longer a prisoner to your mind. You are in control. 2.) Prayer. "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." God is there for you to assist you in those trying times. Prayer don't have to be perfect, you just have to open your heart and believe that those things (good things) are for you. 1.) Start moving. What I mean here is take little steps to better yourself. Take the time to figure your life out. Get out some paper and pen. Write out things you would like to accomplish. Goals, to do lists, etc. There is so much to be done and you are responsible. No one else. Your life's success or failures are all on you boo. You have the power. We have the power. I know it sounds cheesy, but you do. No one can take this away from you. Unless you let them. Step up. It is a difficult task, but the rewards are rightfully yours. Muah!

Thank Me Later: 28 Life Lessons For The Black Millennial Chick

As I bring my 28th year to a close (next month) I am reflecting on some life lessons that I have learned in this time. It is good to reflect on life and see how to improve and what to pass on to the next generation.
  1. You are responsible for your life.
  2. Fairy tales aren't real! No man will come rescue you. Not from your uneventful life or financially. You have to throw the life vest out to yourself.
  3. Confidence is your best accessory. Wear it well.
  4. Make good connections and maintain genuine relationships.
  5. It is not selfish to put yourself first.
  6. Your goals are attainable. Pursue them.
  7. Believe that you are able and then others will believe it also.
  8. Someone else's opinion of you has nothing to do with you.
  9. If you settle for less, don't be surprised at what you get.
  10. Set your standards with boos from the start. Let him know what your expectations are in your ACTIONS not just your words. No Netflix and Chill. Don't let him stop by the house just to chat until he has taken you on a few dates.
  11. Experience the new. Stay away from people who tell you what they won't ever try.
  12. Stay in your own lane. Don't worry about what others are doing and what they have done to get it.
  13. Don't talk about another woman's vagina. What she does with hers is her responsibility, not yours. Keep up with your vagina only.
  14. Speaking of: make sure to get your check ups down there!
  15. Start doing something about your financial future now.
  16. No one should be able to guilt trip you into anything. Sex, favors, loaning money, nothing.
  17. It is ok to have a small circle of friends. You don't need a big entourage, because best believe there is a hater somewhere in there.
  18. Set strong boundaries for yourself.
  19. Whatever it is that you do, put 110% into it.
  20. Sometimes, it is best to do nothing.
  21. Assess the energies you allow into your life.
  22. Make travel a priority.
  23. Date men who DO what they say, not what they SAY they will do.
  24. If he disappears once and then tries to come back, don't let him back. That usually means she didn't want him and he is coming back to someone that he knows does.
  25. Look at your circle. If you are the only one making boss moves, you need to expand to find others doing the same thing as you.
  26. Learn how to say no and not be afraid of hurting anyone's feelings.
  27. Stop waiting for the perfect time to do something. The stars won't align unless you take action.
  28. Continue to use contraceptives until you are absolutely able to take care of a child.

#FollowMySlay-She Rock Inspired

Sex, Salmon and Situationships

Hello Monday-My Body Is My Own

I've never felt like my body was my own. "Girl, whet?" Allow me to explain. Ever since I can damn remember I was taught that how I dress, how my appearance is, hair, face, body looks is all to appease a man. To snag a man.  Being at a man's discretion. As if women have no power and that we all have to fight for attention of one bum ass man lol. I have had men just straight up feel like they were entitled to the pleasures of my body and to be in the presence of my beauty. Yea, I said beauty lol. But seriously, if y'all are chilling and he wants to try and you say no. Then he tries again like 5 mins later. It's like, how dare I say no or maybe she didn't mean NO no? Yes, this happens and often (not to me anymore). I've always felt like a piece of meat almost.  How damaging is that to young girls to feel this way? That all of our end goals is to get a man. Eat cornbread to get thick cuz Brandon likes ass lol. Relax your damn hair, because some men don't like natural hair. Or when you are single it is "always make sure you look good when you are going out because you never know when you will meet a man." Or the mindset I had as a non-committed woman going to the gym. If I'm single, you can't keep me out the gym. My tits must be perky (well as much as they can get lol) and my ass motto: You can never do too many squats! I think I spent the majority of my time working my ass out lol. But guess what happened when I got a man? I stopped going to the gym and gained 20 pounds. Like, to hell with my health I's got a man now! Nothing else matters! Goal accomplished! You see the problem with that? Allow me to break it down. If you don't do shit for yourself, it will fall away at the wayside easily. Your appearance should not be tied into receiving male attention and getting a man. It should be because you want to do it. You want to look good and your health is a top priority. Because guess what happens if you don't get that attention. You began to question yourself. "Bish, I got my sew in with my Peruvian Wave, my face is beat, I've been working out non-stop for 2 weeks straight, and my outfit is on point. I know he seen me and still not hitting me up." It's a hard realization to know that you can be someone who is known for being "confident" but that you been faking the damn funk. I appreciate looking good and attention is nice, please don't get me wrong, but I have had to make some personal adjustments in my motives. It is time that I do things for me and do it my way. Not for the approval of others. Muah!

DEAR SELF, IT’S TIME TO DECOMPRESS

What you mean give myself a break I have bills due. I want to find a man so I can drop these babies, I'm not getting any younger. I have to find the perfect job and bring in the bucks.  If I don't do it, who else will? I feel like we spend so much of our time in a hurry or always having our minds preoccupied with something. When do we rest? I mean, yes we may get sleep, but when we are up, our minds are going a mile a minute. We have so much to keep us entertained, but find it hard to unwind because of all the stimulation. Anything you want to watch is on your jailbroke fire stick, cable tv, YouTube and Netflix. Then there is social media. Instagram is always popping and then there is family and friend drama on Facebook, sure to keep you entertained. I personally feel as if my attention span has gotten so short, that I don't know how to be bored anymore I can't even watch a little tv without having my phone in my hand. I am ready to switch my mode of entertainment as soon as a little boredom creeps in. It has gotten so bad that my 8 year old son has taken notice and requests that I put my phone down to spend time with him. How many times do we pick up our phones in a day? I feel like my brain is screaming for a rest. But so much of my work is on a phone! How do we strike a healthy balance? We feel left out if we aren't partaking in certain things. The world is moving pretty fast and no one wants to get lost, but please remember that it is ok to have a seat. To know that you are beat and tired, to recognize it and do something about it takes maturity. We have to be in charge of our sanity and stop looking to things to fill a void. Especially our generation we are chasing so many things such as materialism, an image, status etc and at the end of the day those things really don't matter. We want our lives to be as "normal" yet better than others, so we put so much pressure on ourselves to achieve it. Men don't worry about marriage as young and as often as women do! We don't want to be over 30 and childless and manless because we know that people are going to start asking dumb ass questions. But take the pressure of others off yourself. Decompress and live this life as best as possible. Find what ways work best for you. Whether it's exercise, prayer, dance, writing, singing or sleeping the day away enjoy the time you set aside for yourself to release. There are no definite rules for your life. Chill and release. Muah!

About Me

Hi! My name is Robinette.

Founder & Editor

I am not a role model… just a messenger. Since I can remember, I have been in love with helping myself to do better and helping others.

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