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Sitting On Your Gifts

Everyone has a talent and/or gift. It is up to you to discover what it is. We may not have the vocals as Whitney Houston, the acting of Lupita, or the great hand technique of your favorite Makeup Artist. Some people know their gifts from a young age, many people, however, have to uncover their gifts under trial and error. Most people do not EVER discover what their God-given talent and gifts are. These same people have had many thoughts and ideas on things that they would like to do or try, but fear holds them back. "What will they think if I make a career change at 35? I would have to start from the bottom. I am too old to do that." So instead of stepping out on that desire, fear cripples them to a job that does not best utilize their talents and doesn't align with their personality or characteristics. We live in a time of instant gratification. People don't want others to see them start from the bottom. On social media, we want to look as if we have got it together and things are going perfectly. Many try to keep up an image of having it made even if life is not what they portray. I believe that sitting on your gifts are dangerous. Why? Because when you don't realize your full potential, you fail to make a contribution. There is somebody out there who needs to hear your story because they are experiencing something similar. There is somebody out there who wants to buy your product. There is somebody out there who needs your services because you would provide that extra touch. It's as simple as that. You don't have to know what you want to do. But once you set your intention on finding out what it is, it will be revealed to you over time. So long as you do the work. In my next blog post, I will discuss how you can discover your gifts. Muah!

Bye To The Good Woman

Chile can't nothing come between a woman and her will to identify herself as being a "good woman." She holds on tougher than a sew in past 4 months with no touch ups. "If I am a good woman I will get a good man." "If I am a good woman then he won't step out." "If I am a good woman then everything in life will fall into place and I won't get messed over." "I don't understand why he left! I was a good woman to him!" I just laugh whenever I hear this now. Holding on to the badge of being a "good woman" has never saved you. Here is my definition of a good woman. She goes to church faithfully and gives cheerfully, but never puts in the work needed to accomplish her goals. In her mind, she did x and y, but not the z. She believes God will just drop down success. But hunty, Faith without works is dead. In addition, this "good woman" lays out the red carpet for any man she is interested in, whether he treats her great or not so great. She will cook for him, sex him good, and just throw out all of the common sense. Unbeknownst to her, many men secretly love heauxs, so most likely, her attempts will be looked at as too easy. He will fade faster than a hair cut. She will be wondering what happened because in her mind, she did everything right. The next will be the good woman on the job. The one that has a degree and most importantly, the know how, but are passed over for people that are more assertive. The go getting bishes. Life just happens to her. She doesn't know that she must make life happen for her. She believes that if she does everything right, then things will be ok. And when things aren't right, she can't figure out why. Stay with me here. Being a good woman is a noble thing. But please lets stop associating being a good women with holding on to things that don't serve us, that are detrimental to our success, and that hinders our growth. I envy men in their ability to be selfish sometimes when their needs are not being met. As a woman, we are told that we are to be selfless. Making sure everyone's needs are are met. But how can you take care of others, I mean truly take care of others, unless you needs are met? And I'm not saying go and be a bad woman in the way one may think is a bad woman. A bad woman is one who puts her needs at the top. She knows what she wants and what feels good to her. It doesn't mean that her needs are number 1 all the time. It means that she knows how to adjust accordingly and keep things in balance. In order to get to this point in life, I think we have to realize that our feelings matter. We don't have to feel the need to keep being martyrs to others and their feelings. I hope to move towards a generation of women that challenge the status quo of what it means to be a good woman. That narrative is self serving to others, but can be detrimental to the most selfless and our health. I see more fearless woman who strike a healthy balance between their needs and kids, spouse/partner, other family and friends needs. Muah!

2018: The Year Of Your Glo Up

Happy New Year Bishes! 2017 is gone and never to be seen again. It may not have gone so well or maybe you made the promises of all the things you will do better from 2016, and didn't do shit. Whatever it was, it is gone and the fresh start begins. Now granted, you don't have to wait until a whole new year to implement a change, but dammit, something about the new year just makes you feel all fresh. I think people are starting to realize that time is flying by and we can't keep dreaming of all of these lofty goals without IMPLEMENTING them. Take action to get to where you want. Sitting around wishing (and hating on others lol) that goals will just accomplish themselves is not going to work. You know what else is not going to work? Half-assing goals. What do I mean by half-assing? You know when you KNOW you aren't 100 percent committed to a goal, but will do it and are indifferent on the outcome? You work on the goal when you feel like it, so long as it doesn't inconvenience you and your Netflix appointment. I am so guilty of this! But no more. Let this be your year to shine. I don't care if you have 1 damn goal set for this year, work until it is accomplished! Do not allow another year to pass and you fail to Glo Up your life. A Glo Up doesn't necessarily have to just be aesthetics. You can Glo Up in different parts of your life for example your finances, spirituality, relationally, or career wise. But assess any of those areas. Take out a sheet of paper a divide all of these categories and list 4 goals for each. Keep this paper in sight or in a notebook that you refer to periodically. Do things differently. Mediocrity is no longer accepted. Get to work on time. Go the extra mile at work. Even though you don't want to be there, be excellent while you plan your exit strategy. You should look back and see GROWTH! We can't continue on year in and year out and getting the same results. This is the time to realize your dreams. We have more than enough time and in the same breath, time is running out. You owe it to yourself to accomplish these goals.  They are calling you. Muah!

Your Vagina Is Not A Portal For Love, Your Heart Is: Teaching Your Daughters, Sisters, Nieces, Cousins and Friends

Oooh chile, I have been there. I have been taught that this is the crux of who I am...well that along with exterior beauty. That if I snatch it right, he will love me...if I do it often, he will love me and won't stray....if it gets wet enough, I don't have to worry about anything with us, all is well. Let's be honest, we all have received some bad advice from some well meaning women in our lives. "Don't let him give you a wet ass and dry pockets." LOL! Ok, so I understand what they were TRYING to say, but I also recognize that soooo much emphasis was put on a certain part of us. A part of our body. In a way it's objectification. I mean, what about the rest of me? My heart, my intelligence, my wittiness? And that's where so many girls get it wrong at. Not knowing all of these other wonderful things about themselves, they jump into sex WAYYYY before they are ready. Not because they really want to or know what the f*** they are doing, it's just that so much pressure is put on what we do with our bodies AND tie that into our relationship status. Even as a young girl, my friends and I were consumed with getting "Chose." And to our detriment, we learned (the hard way mind you) that the way to our heart is not through the vagina. And it damn sure isn't the way to his. But we would foolishly think that it is and go into the same scenario and get the same outcome. Confusion. Wayward d**k. I thought sex would lead to a commitment, tbh. But, oh no baby what is you doing?! We, as women, have been taught so much that what we do or decide not to do with our vaginas determine our worth. We are only labeled good girls if we keep it chaste. Bad girls, whores, hoes, slut, etc if we bed more than 1 in a lifetime. It's such a strange dichotomy in which we are praised for keeping the "good girl" image, yet on the other hand, sex sells. These strippers are raking it up! As a young girl, I can remember being taught that my worth is tied to my vagina. So naturally, as I began to deflower my damn self with the help of a cute young guy, I would feel less and less. (The guy would gain a stripe, I would gain a strike.) Because I was taught that's where my worth is, but what are these damn feelings I'm having? Aren't we responsible for making sure the guys like us? Well, according to society, many of a relationship's fails can often times fall on the woman. Sooo we must do whatever to ensure it's stability. Unbeknownst to us, our daughters, cousins, nieces etc are watching us. I would say to not instill in them that that is where there worth is. Yes, we learned it in church to hold onto our virginity, no shame in that, so long as no one is shaming someone that does decide to do it. Myself, friends, and family members have suffered from decisions in regards to their sexuality. Many women have been led astray to an adverse outcome that they hoped sex would bring them. Let's teach our young girls that they have worth and value in other places. Teach them whether they decide to abstain, or decide (after long thought and understanding of consequences) to become active, that they are both worthy. No one is better or less than the other because of their decisions. Most importantly, teach them that sex DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE. Your vagina is not a portal for love...your heart is. Muah!

Just A Thought

It feels as if I am finally getting some comfort and who I am as a person. I don't agonize over what others think of me as much. I take bold steps, even when afraid. I make my own decisions based off of what I feel is right for me. My 20's were a lot of learning and a lot of growing pains. But it was necessary. Diamonds are made from pressure.  I can't wait to see where this boldness will take me.   Muah!

Check Your Breasts! The Thelma D. Jones Breast Cancer Fund

I recently attended The Thelma D. Jones Breast Cancer Fund support group meeting and what an event it was! Breast Cancer is still an epidemic in our community, especially in terms of mortality. Learning the symptoms and being aware of changes in your body are the keys to early detection. Did you know that Breast cancer is more likely to be found at an earlier stage among white women than among black women? Overall, breast cancer incidence (rate of new cases) is slightly lower among black women than among white women. However, breast cancer mortality is higher in Black/African-American women. For example, from 2010-2014 (most recent data available), breast cancer mortality was 42 percent higher in black women than in white women. In addition, Black women are more likely than white women to get triple-negative breast cancer, a kind of breast cancer that often is aggressive and comes back after treatment. The work of the Thelma D. Jones Breast Cancer Fund is to spread awareness about breast cancer and making sure our community knows the importance of being up to date on our health. The Thelma D. Jones Breast Cancer Fund's vision is to save lives and embrace and achieve a world community free of breast cancer. The Fund plans to realize this vision with guiding principles of respect, collaboration, quality and patient-centered care, culturally sensitive approaches, and evidence-based strategies. The organization's founder, Thelma D. Jones, a breast cancer survivor, fueled uncertainties about her diagnosis into making an impact on anyone who crosses her path. As a survivor, Ms. Jones responded to a life's calling and took on the responsibility of using her diagnosis to the greater good of her community and serving them in the best way possible: by educating others about their bodies. To speak about her personality, one of the kindest I have met and we are both Virgos, here to save the world! No wonder I felt an amazing kinship. A little more about The Thelma D. Jones Breast Cancer Fund, "The TDJ Breast Cancer Fund offers programs to address a need in the community and for which there is a demonstrated demand that will complement rather than duplicate the existing work of other organizations. This involves collaborations with other individuals and organizations on a year-round basis. In addition, we offer services that meet vital community needs that will have a broad impact by especially benefitting the historically less-served communities. The overall ultimate goal of our programs and services remain to empower residents to live healthier, take charge of their lives and reduce the burden of breast cancer in our communities for women, men and young girls." Also, did you know that August is Black Philanthropy Month? That is another topic that was discussed in the meeting. Black Philanthropy Month was created in August 2011 by both Dr. Jackie Copeland-Carson and the Pan-African Women's Philanthropy Network as an annual, global celebration of African-descent giving. The theme for 2017 is: Giving Voice to Fuel Change.

Themes from previous years include:

2016: Elevating A Culture of Giving

2015: A Season of Change

2014: Generosity At Home and Around the Globe

2013: Of Dreams And Mountaintops

Also attending the meeting was Tracey Webb, organizer of Black Philanthropy Month. Ms. Webb is the founder of Black Benefactors, "a giving circle based in Washington, DC that provides grants and in-kind support to Black-led organizations serving the African American community." Mr. Edward Jones, Executive Committee Member of Black Benefactors, was also in attendance and presented acknowledgements. Finally, we did a moment of silence to honor the late Kecia Nobles, who passed away from Cancer. Her family was in attendance and her presence was absolutely felt in the room. The Thelma D. Jones Fund is a great organization to get behind. To support the fund contact Thelma Jones, Founder and Board Chair, via email at thelma@tdjbreastcancerfund.org. Muah!

About Me

Hi! My name is Robinette.

Founder & Editor

I am not a role model… just a messenger. Since I can remember, I have been in love with helping myself to do better and helping others.

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